Anonymous asked: Last night I was too drunk to drive so I slept at my best friends boyfriends house. I woke up in the night to him touching me. The next morning he begged for sex and I repeatedly told him no and that what he was doing was wrong. He did oral on me even as I said no and then put it in. I never gave consent and I kept telling him no. I didn't put up a physical fight though, I trusted him a lot and was so confused. I don't know what to tell my best friend or my boyfriend. Is it rape? I'm so lost.
First of all, I’m sorry for what you have been through.
Your lack of consent means that it was rape. It doesn’t matter if you put up a fight or not. I don’t know if you want to press charges, but if that’s something you would like to pursue, my advice would be to file a report with the police as soon as possible.
You might also want to get tested for STD’s or take the morning after pill (if that’s a concern). The hospital or a Planned Parenthood can help with these things and it’s possible to get the morning after pill over the counter now if you need it.
As far as what to tell people, that’s up to you. I would encourage you to find someone you can trust to speak with about this so that you have some support. A therapist is an option if you would like one, but at least a friend who can be there for you when needed.
It’s important that you know you are not alone. There are so many supportive communities out there (like this one) where you an get ideas and find help working through things.
You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline or find a local rape crisis center Many of these places offer advocates who are on call 24 hours a day and can go with you to the police or hospital for support. There is also an online hotline if you prefer that.
I know things are tough right now but you can get through this. Stay strong!
Real talk: The second time I was raped was so drastically different from the first that I didn’t at first believe that what had happened was rape. It just didn’t “click” with me I knew it was terrible, but I had a picture in my mind of what rape looked like and what happened to me didn’t match. It took me a while to realize and accept that both instances were rape.
There is a lot of misinformation out there, especially these days, about what counts as “real” rape. Let’s clear it up:
According to the FBI rape is “Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”
It doesn’t matter if it was violent or not. If you fought back or not. If you have bruises or not. If you know the person or not. Even if it started off consensual and then you wanted to stop, the moment you withdraw consent and it’s ignored, the situation changes.
If your body language said no but you couldn’t? Still rape. If you were both drunk, if you’re married, if your rapist apologized later, if you’ve had consensual sex with the person before? Still rape.
It’s easy to get misled by the way that we normally see rape depicted in books, movies and TV, but it doesn’t always look like that. The one constant? It’s NEVER your fault. NEVER.
Anonymous asked: If you're digitally raped, does that count as losing your virginity?
Virginity is a tricky thing because it’s entirely a social construct. It’s pretty heteronormative and the “rules” change depending on who you ask. And there is no real way to tell if someone is a virgin.
The only physical marker put forth as proof is the hymen, which can tear naturally or just never develop in the first place. It is possible for someone to have what is considered an intact hymen and become pregnant, or have had sex. One big problem with this is that it’s a standard applied to women only and used to shame them for having sex or label them as impure.
To me, the concept of virginity as it exists is a product of rape culture; one in which our bodies and sexual identities are policed by others who seek to put value on when and with whom we choose to be intimate. Let’s dispense with the imposed standards.
With that in mind, my answer for you is that you get to define what virginity is to you. Your body, your rules.
Anonymous asked: how is Lucy racist? I wanted to watch it and now im sad :(
anonymous asked: What is Lucy and why is it racist?
lucy is a movie, coming out this summer in 2014. here’s the trailer for it.
anonymous asked: can you please explain how lucy is racist - i’m not saying it isn’t, i just havent seen the film yet or heard anything about it being racist. I was really excited to see it because it’s an action film with a female lead without an unnecessary love interest motivation…
lovely anon, i was so excited about the movie too. i love scarlet and it looked really amazing (apart from that stupid 10% brain thing, i don’t really like that trope) but then i started to realize how racist this movie is. we’ve only seen a trailer, couple of minutes and there are so many racist undertones.
this really says it.
people really see this movie “Lucy” as a step in the right direction to more representation because somehow it’s revolutionary to have a white person as the (anti)hero killing people of color? People really think that one has to see the whole movie in it’s entirety to say that it’s shit? Other than swapping a white man for a white woman, it’s the same shit of invoking negative tropes and cliches against Asian men in modern movies that we’ve been seeing in the past couple of years since the Red Dawn remake. (source)
because, lets be honest, it’s true. i am all in for female lead in super heroes, and i am not the one who is angry because she’s not a POC. the way everyone else is portrayed, the way how it still hold onto those stupid tropes of asian/POCs as villains just disgusts me. maybe its even worse for me because i’m asian i dont even know.
the upcoming movie lucy will feature the age-old racist narrative of pure white woman (scarlet johansson) being violated by scary, brown men. and the new white feminist trope of women gaining their power by violently eliminating brown men. who needs the white male savior when we now have white female saviors, taking it into their own hands to save their whiteness from all that non-whiteness. so radical. (source)
feminism, hell yes. only white feminism? no. i am not here to see white female saviors kicking POCs ass, who look like they’re really poorly written. did someone who was involved with this movie even made effort?
let’s have a look in this picture. we see the white female lead and the asian antagonist. we see chinese writing in the background.
I just asked a family member to translate this. They came back with “Keep Clean. Apple, scallop & ginger, orange, tomato, grape” (source)
can this be even more ridiculous? just make your fucking research guys. do they think it looks fancy to have chinese writing on the wall? because its not??? its stupid and it makes me angry and/or wants to laugh.
Okay but why the fuck is this movie set in Asia, filled with Asian villains, with a white female protag? Yes, wow, the lead’s a woman, fantastic, but apart from that it’s not really any different from the other movies made in a long history of having white people kicking the shit out of exclusively Asian villains.
Really, seriously. I just want to know why they had to set it in Asia with a white woman lead. Why not set the damn movie in the US if they want a big name yt actress that badly? Or, why not just cast a Taiwanese actress if they want it to be set in Asia that bad?
Or maybe not do those things to avoid another Orientalist shitshow because those are exactly the thematic cues they’re going for with a vulnerable white woman being abused by morally corrupt Asian men. OH BUT FEMINIST SUBVERSION! THE VULNERABLE WHITE WOMAN KILLS THEM ALL INSTEAD, YEAHHHH GO FEMINISM!
Meanwhile Asian cultures continue to be portrayed as backwards, Asian men continue to be portrayed as vile predators, but hey go feminism right? Nevermind that Asian women get thrown under the bus with this too. (source)
i agree on this so much. just dont motherfucking make that movie in taiwan? and then we have all those white “feminist” who are like: “okay, this movie is amazing, has a female lead in a action/superhero movie and u all still find something to complain about, just shut up”
no. i dont care that she’s a woman if it’s racist. just because you have a female lead doesn’t make the movie amazing. and it sure doesn’t excuse the fact how racist it is. if you really are a feminist, you should know, that feminism not only includes white women. it includes POC women. feminism includes so many more than just that. don’t call yourself a feminist if you can ignore all these things and still watch this movie because *yay female lead*.
what is even worse is this scene:
white woman literally kills an asian guy because he can’t speak english. LITERALLY. how should i feel as an asian woman? this guy could be so many other people i know in real life who can’t speak english. i could imagine it be my father or other people i know. but no, it’s okay, because she’s a woman. because it looks badass.
she isn’t even in the USA or any other english- speaking state. bUt nO OF COURSE YOU ALL HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH. not everything revolves about you. SHE’S the one who is in a foreign country, she should be the one adapting to it and not the other way round. i dont go to USA and shoot people because they can’t speak vietnamese.
that’s just fucking stupid why even.
for once i’d like to be able to post a trailer for a movie i’m interested in because of the female lead without feeling like a sack of shit afterward because someone needed to take a minute and really dissect every scene in the trailer just to outline how offensive it is. (…) we’re taking baby steps here, people. (…) so can’t we just take a minute to sit back and support an actress we like while enjoying an action film? /not sourcing this one because i am not an ass/
how can i enjoy a movie when i am offended.
how do you suppose to want me enjoy a movie when my people are thrown back down so you all can have your female lead
people say that this might take a step. that having this movie will open the doors for WOC. are you serious? do you want us to always be on the second array? do we have to sit quietly back and be all happy that you finally have a movie so we “might have one later too”?